Saturday, July 11, 2009

The wankapolypse broke my LJ.

Goddammit, Rusty! Just look at what you did to Fandom!

And why in the hell are my hands still shaking?



Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Fitness Fail

We've well established that I have a 57% chance of surviving a zombie apocalypse and a mere 1min and 23 seconds of life in the vacuum of space. My survival stats could greatly benefit from a regular exercise routine. I know this. Truly I do. But never has the point been made more clear than today.

For today I pulled my hamstring. Not badly, but enough to smart with every step. A lot of people pull their hamstrings. Said people are usually doing more strenuous activities such as jogging, mountain climbing, or rescuing small children from burning houses. But not me.

I strained my hamstring while vacuuming.*

No, seriously. I was vacuuming.

Add to that fact that my house is probably about 80% tile. I only regularly vacuum the bedroom, which has roughly 120 square feet of carpet, half of which is covered with furniture.

And yet, I managed to pull my hamstring while vacuuming.

I think maybe it's time to dust off that yoga mat and put it to some desperately needed use. I took no pleasure limping into work today and having to answer my coworkers's concerns with the truth...which, of course, I didn't. I lied and told them it happened while mountain climbing.

* If your first reaction to reading that line was "Oh my God! You were actually doing housework?" then I owe you a beer. For the LOLs, of course.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Who Thinks This Shit Up?

Some of these things are so unbelievably stupid. Which means, of course, I have to check them out:

How long could you survive in the vacuum of space?
Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Site

The best part of this quizwidget is the accompanying description in painstakingly gruesome detail:

"In the first 30 seconds any fluid on the surface of your body would begin to boil due to lack of ambient pressure, this includes the saliva on your tongue and the moisture in your eyes. Your eardrums would most likely burst due to the pressure in your body trying to equalize with the vacuum outside. Unlike what some science fiction films have suggested, your body would not explode.

After the first 15 seconds you would lose consciousness. If you held your breath you could potentially stay alive longer but you risk pulmonary trauma. If you didn't hold your breath you'd pass out sooner, but your lungs might have a better chance of avoiding permanent damage.

The pressure in your veins would rise until your heart no longer had the capacity to pump blood, at which point you'd die."

Yummers. I'd hope I'd at least get to lose my heart to a starship trooper before President Roslin airlocked me (even if the former is a teensy bit gay). And contrary to what Ka D'argo preaches, it's always better to inhale upon reentry. It's not like it's going to make that much of a difference, because you'll freeze your tits off before your heart goes *poof*...unless you have the dumb luck of Arthur Dent.

Friday, August 8, 2008

...And this little piggie falled down, went boom

And now, a continuation of Flen Flyys "Adventures in Podiacal Misfortune":

It's official. The aftermath of the not-quite-annual LGT retreat has left me with one, possibly two fractured toes. Rock! Now I get to check "sad broken piggies" off my life list of foot injuries. One day I may finally make it to full trauma-induced amputation. It's important to have goals.

The story of how the injury actually occurred is sadly mundane, as it involved me walking upright like a proper bipedal, and then not being so upright like some common gastropod. My life being lackluster enough as it is, I've taken to embellishing the truth at any given opportunity, my favorite spin so far being a rather elaborate tale involving nine martinis, a midget and a badley misjudged wager involving a jai alai mitt.

The diagnosis finally came from the the GP doctor at my company's on-site clinic (yes, my company has an on-site clinic...convenient and kind of frightening). And does anyone know what one can do for a fractured metatarsal? Anyone? Anyone?

If you guessed "absolutely nothing", then you are today's big winner. Just send a SASE to collect your grand prize, an exclusive copy of the latest addition to the LGT make-up morgue.

I'll even autograph it for you...

with my toes.

For additional shipping and handling, you can also get a limited addition copy of Saitou the Foot-Fetish-Kitteh showing off his "healing touch":

Have I officially grossed everyone out? I imagine that this whole post made Peep Julie's skin crawl. *tee hee* Sorry, Juju.

My Fandom is Warped on the Inside

Someone out there has too much time on his/her hands...and has a seriously sick and twisted soul. So it's not surprising that this shit had me laughing for fucking twenty minutes.

***Spoiler warning for Torchwood & Doctor Who finales. You've been warned, so don't start acting like a whiny titty baby about it later***

If this clip affirmed anything for me it is this: The word "intergalactic" as an adjective conveying the most extreme measurement of vice is sorely underused. I think I shall endeavor to incorporate it into my daily lexicon.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

"I Want to Believe" that that isn't the actual title of the movie.

Tonight I saw, for the first time ever, a commercial for the new X-Files movie. My ever calm and collected exterior noted the trailer as being "quite exciting", "intriguing", and "greatly anticipated".

My inner fan-girl squealed... and sort of, kind of peed herself.

But a question remains: Exactly what kind of cosplay does one attempt for an X-Files Midnight Movie Premier? Should I go with Oilean eyes or just sew up all of my bodily orifices? I contemplated covering myself with bees, but with the rise in the cost of honey, I'm sure that would be a tad expensive. Hmmmm...maybe I'll just chain smoke while standing in line.

ETA: In case your inner fangirl/boy wants to soil themselves as well (although there's a little too much H&A to induce true fandom orgasm, IMHO):

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Fun with Lost (insert eerie intro music here)

Hey Lost fans, check out Sawyer's Nickname Generator and be grateful that you're not known as "Stay Puff".

And if you haven't watched the latest episode "Constant" yet, proceed immediately to your "tivo/computer, because it was fan-fucking-tastic! It's like I suddenly realized, "Oh yeah, this is why I love this goddamn irritating show."

To sum up my view: Desmond is hot, but conscious-time-traveling Des is TEH HAWT!1!!!

And for n00bs clueless to the whole Sawyer/nickname OTP, here's el enlightenment:

--- E.D. (a.k.a. Sugarpop)